I CAN - Part 3

Whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies. 

I was still so far behind my peers when it came to my knowledge of the scriptures, and of course my social skills were severely lacking, but anytime I would have difficulty, I would ask myself my acronym, CAN I?  Then recommitted myself to constant and never-ending improvement. 

I learned that if I wanted to be a useful servant of the Lord, I had to get rid of all my sins, and all the baggage that went along with them.  I would have to do a lot of work on myself. 

I would have to fix everything, especially the outward things like the things I actually do, my outward actions. I had to reconcile, undo things that I did, and turn completely to God.  This was no easy task, approaching those to whom I had done wrong, and strive to make it right. 

Then I struggled to fix everything that I said.  I took responsibility for all of my words and all of my non-verbal communications.  I took responsibility for my lack of communication as well, and whether I tried my hardest to ensure that I was not misunderstood by the things I said, and by the things I didn’t say.  It was my responsibility to fix it, repent of everything, and turn completely to God. 

Next, one of the most difficult things was to fix my thoughts.  To not think anything that I shouldn’t think, to only think the most pure thoughts.  To repent of every impure thought and never do it again, and turn my thoughts directly and completely toward God.   This was quite the challenge since so many thoughts were allowed to just roam free.  But the time came to own them, and to leave behind all excuses and justifications. 

Perhaps the most difficult part to learn to control was my emotions.  To fix my emotions, repent of every negative emotion and feeling, and turn my heart completely toward God.  It was almost too much to ask.  Way too much to expect from a boy who had a right to be hurt, a right to feel pain.  Yet, I knew that if I wanted to progress, that I would have to give up all that pain and anguish that I carried around.  I had to learn to forgive more completely than I ever thought possible (which is a subject for another forum). 

Through all this, there was a major shift in my acronym.  It went from the question Can I? To the statement I CAN! 

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