Whooping Cough

To this day, when I think of how sick my baby girl was … 

It was when my eldest daughter was only three and a half months old.  She was sick with Whooping Cough.  She had been sick for a couple of weeks already, and her health was so bad that she wouldn’t sleep, but just stayed up all night coughing.  She would barely eat, and she was loosing weight fast.  My baby girl was dying. 

She was so emaciated and weak that I was afraid that she wouldn’t live much longer.  I would pray for my little girl, but she didn’t get better.  I often thought of giving her a blessing, but because she was my little girl I was terrified that I would fail her.  I struggled with thoughts of my own worthiness, or I should say, lack thereof. 

Then one day, Toni asked me to give Amy a blessing.  As a priesthood holder, it was my duty to administer should anyone ask, and so, with all my might I pushed my fears away, and held onto that glimmer of faith that I had in our Heavenly Father and His priesthood.  We went upstairs where I administered to the baby. 

With all the faith that I could muster, I pronounced her healed, and before I got to the word Amen, she had stopped coughing!  It was a miracle!  I couldn’t understand it.  I wasn’t worthy.  I could never do something like that.  And so I began to fear.  I began to fear, because it really worked.  It worked!  How did it work?  It couldn’t be possible.  I really did it?  It couldn’t be.  And as soon as I began to fear, the innocent baby girl began to cough again.  I had failed. 

I was so upset.  How could I fail?  How could I let my little girl down?  It was too much for me; too much to ask.  How could the life of my child be laid upon my shoulders like this?  I felt so bad.  I couldn’t let her down.  I couldn’t give in to fear.  I wouldn’t give in. 

With a broken heart I turned to God.  Oh, please help me.  I picked up my child and bowed my head, and once again cast out all doubt and fear from my mind, and with perfect courage pronounced the blessing. 

Heavenly Father heard.  Blessed be His great name!  Oh, how merciful!  Oh, how kind!  I was overwrought.  Even before I got to ‘Amen’, my little girl stopped coughing, and began resting peacefully.  I held tightly to the courage granted me by Heavenly Father, and wouldn’t let my mind wander.  We placed Amy in her crib and let her sleep.  This was the first time in so long that she could even sleep.  We were so happy. 

Fifteen minutes later I was in the kitchen preparing supper, when I allowed my mind to think on what just happened.  And as soon as I thought, ‘Wow, did that really happen?’, fear entered my heart once again, and that tiny little precious angel began to cough. 

I broke!  God gave me a second chance to do it right and I broke!  All my bragging to my wife and others, that God could do anything; that Heavenly Father loves each of us and is just waiting to do miracles for us, and I completely failed Him.  What could I do now?  I was traumatized.  How could I face my wife, who asked me to heal her first born child?  Who was I that I could be asked to do such a thing?  How could I face my Heavenly Father?  I was a tough, 100kg, 23 year old zealot, willing to do anything for God, and here I stood broken, with tears streaming down my face.  A total and complete failure to my God.  I couldn’t stand it.  What would people think of Him??  How much doubt would this failure inspire?  How many would be driven away from the God of Love?  All because of my failure, my lack of faith! 

I couldn’t take it anymore.  I was traumatized.  Then, something changed deep within my heart, and I resolved that I would try yet again to serve God, or I would die trying.  I can’t explain it, but that is how I felt.  I was willing to give my life for the child to be healed.  I locked myself in the washroom, fell to my knees and plead with the Lord to forgive me; to forgive my weakness, my failure; only let my daughter live! 

A third time, I pushed all fear out of my heart.  I would have perfect faith this time.  I wouldn’t allow myself anything less.  The Lord’s will would be done.  With tender care, I picked up my dying child, and in the name of the Lord Jesus, commanded that she be healed. 

Instantly, the child stopped coughing.  Her fever broke, and she fell fast asleep. 

For the longest time after she fell asleep, I wouldn’t even think about what happened.  I just believed with perfect faith, and never doubted.  I would never give the sickness a chance to take hold again.  And it didn’t.  Amy slept through the night, and began to eat and gain weight.  Health and colour returned to her and she began to thrive. 

The Holy Spirit was shed forth and Heavenly Father blessed her with such a blessing that she has never gotten sick like that again.  The Lord truly is a God of miracles!  Praise be to His name! 

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