Miscarriage

The loss of a child is so traumatic.  There is such a feeling of total helplessness.  I remember Toni’s first miscarriage, I was so distraught.  I cried for days.  I felt in such despair, not only for the loss of the child, but for anything that I did, and didn’t do, that contributed to the death of the child. 

There were other miscarriages, but the losses didn’t seem to get any better with time.  I still to this day often find my heart filled with sorrow for the loss of my children.  And each loss became increasingly difficult to deal with.  I find my faith tested to it’s limits when my prayers seemingly went unheeded.  Fear and doubt seemed to abound. 

Almost two years ago, when Toni was about 12 weeks pregnant with our last child, she began to bleed, heavy and dark.  The symptoms and timing were similar to other times she miscarried.  I freaked.  I couldn’t deal with it anymore.  I felt it was completely my fault that she was miscarrying.  I felt that I wanted God to end my existence, to remove me from before His face, so that He would never have to look at something so wicked again. 

But my wife saw more.  She, also, was panicking at loosing her child, but her approach was to ask me to heal her, to stop the miscarriage.  But how could I give a blessing, when my prayers already were not being answered?  Nevertheless, she persisted.  She reminded me of how the Lord has helped us in the past, and how she had perfect faith in me.  She wanted me to obtain the Spirit of revelation and prophesy to find out the will of God. 

Because of the faith of my wife, my own faith was revived, and at that moment the Holy Spirit enlightened me; It was the will of God that Toni be healed.  At that instant, I turned to Toni, laid my hands upon her head, and spoke the words of the Holy Spirit.  I knew the voice of the Spirit, and I had perfect faith in that voice.  Instantly, the fountain of blood dried up, and Toni felt the healing power of God in her womb. 

The promise of the Spirit was fulfilled every wit.  There were no more complications throughout the remainder of the pregnancy.  The delivery was easy, and the recovery was fast.  And as a reminder of the blessings of God, Toni wanted the child named after me. 

The Lord loves all of His children.  And He has a plan for everyone.  And though there are times when horrible things happen, we must remember that the Lord still loves us and will turn all things for our good, and one day we will rest from all these worldly cares. 

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